It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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