He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
