If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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