I can text with my tongue
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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