Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
