i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
