did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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