Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
