Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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