I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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