so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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