i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We need a shit load of segways right now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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