I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
