Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
