remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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