Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
