I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
