the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
