I just cut my nipple shaving
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
