never play flip cup with pint glasses
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
