You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
