If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
