I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
