Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
