I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
