This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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