I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
