I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What drink are we having for lunch?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
