this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
