i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
