Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
