just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
