I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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