hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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