he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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