Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
