he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize