No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm at about main and main street
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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