ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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