i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
