alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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