Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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