Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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