A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
