I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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