I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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