I need help removing her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
