dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
