i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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