I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
