I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
