How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
