Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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