I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
