If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
