How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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