oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Shame - the story of my life.
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