I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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