I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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