I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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