so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
