I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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