Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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