you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I died a long time ago.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize