you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
