the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
