If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
