Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
